L.O.S.T.

...in every sense of the word.

Cue the circus music!

If life ever feels boring, I can assure you that welcoming 2 great dane pups into your home will bring much entertainment! I can now call my home a 3 ring circus. Funny that in the last year we went from no pets to a cat and 2 puppies. We have gotten quite a bit of feedback mostly along the lines that we are nuts to take on such large animals. I'm ok with that label, to each their own whether that be an itty bity dog or a dane.

Gosh I love these stinkers.....Expect some updates, mainly so you can go holy cow they're getting big....I still can't wrap my head around the fact that Roxy and Calvin are going to be like small horses walking around. Getting the fence finished on the yard will be a very very good thing for running and playing. Anyway, they're very playful, clumsy, and loveable.

caught in a daze....again

I'm so excited about the future that I can't concentrate on the present.
This presents a studying for finals dilemma. Motivation is running dry....pull it together!

If only I were Mary Poppins.... I'd snap my fingers and the jobs would be done.

Oklahoma leads the way!

http://www.pollen.com/allergy-weather-forecast.asp ... As someone with ridiculous allergies, I'm clearly living in the wrong place... Oh spring, I love and hate you.

MAY 10th! I can do this...

Faith.

Lately, I can't help but struggle with worrying and anxiety about everything from finding a job when I finish school and clinicals (JULY 29!) to making it through everything from now til the end of school, to affording my bills and student loans, to something happening to someone I love that it is no wonder I am consumed with everything that is not the present. While some dwell on the past, I dwell on the future. Which I mostly attribute to a time when my cares were for that day only, which are now, strangely enough, the times that I look back on and am grateful for. Because I truly lived in the face of fears, I took opportunities that now I think "wow, I can't believe I did that" Because everything in my reasoning and decision making now is so careful. Which I guess is part of growing up for me, because those times in the past did not come without bad decisions included.

I always worry. Always. I had to listen to a speaker for a class a couple days ago that talked about her battle with breast cancer. She's a few years older than me and had to go through a breast removal, chemo, and intense radiation therapy to fight this aggressive cancer. And it dawns on me that nothing in this life is for certain, so you might as well live to the fullest while you're here. It's so simple, right?

This is long and rambly but I do not take nearly enough time outs from "oh my gosh this test is coming up and I'm not ready, 20 page paper, anxiety about everything" to just breathe. Thank God for a sunny warm day. Appreciate the people I love while I am/they are here. And the answer that I feel I have been slacking on majorly is F.A.I.T.H. While none of what I am writing is profound, it is a constant challenge to choose faith. Here's some quotes, as a reminder to myself to always have faith, it will all be alright.

Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into.-- Mahatma Gandhi
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Fear clogs; Faith liberates.-- Elbert Hubbard
Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.-- Gail Devers

peace at the bottom of a frozen latte

So, while I know emotional eating is not always the answer today was a day of frustrations. I found myself at Panera with a frozen mocha latte to cheer myself up. And somewhere between the observation of hearing some young girls sweat about geometry and driver's licenses "no way my picture is sooo much worse than yours" I couldn't help but think of a patient today that has melanoma glioblastoma, the absolute worst kind. It has metastisized to the patients' brain.

It is very true that everyone everywhere is having their battles and stresses and worries. It dawned on me as I reached the bottom of this fattening beverage that I felt that "be grateful THAT is your concern" feeling as I listened to people around me. Then I realized I'm a total hypocrit. I'm over here sweating the fact that I have exams to comp on and approximately 1.5 days of clinic to do it, and no techs who will let me scan while being so booked (thank you again, snow). Such is life. You gotta roll with the punches, everyone is fighting a battle somehow somewhere. There lies the peace in prayer.

Sunshine

The sun came out today! And it didn't snow or get to -9 degrees. It's a good day here in Oklahoma.

Today I have rerealized the glory of small indulgences and how happy I really can make myself. It's the simple things. I am blessed. God is good.

I was music/lyrics browsing online only to find myself lusting for some citizen cope. Sad news is all my citizen cope music I came across years ago at OSU is on my dusty, dinosaur age computer. Which has been sitting in the spare room at my parents for years now. I have to have hope that it still runs enough to get some of my music off of there. Too much effort for now....but one day I will cross my fingers, hold my tongue just right and hope that I can salvage my music off that old thing.

Love.

Organization is the name of the game.

confession....

i am the girl who has 500 + unread emails, keys that are consistently in a different place every time i find them, who lays down to sleep and remembers the things she forgot, who has multiple to-do lists that are rarely all complete before lost, who feels unsure of how to even live in an organized fashion, who makes too many trips to the store, text messages in her phone from over 2 years ago.

i would like to be the person who has all her change neatly in one place but not in an ugly old cup but not something that costs ten times too much. ideas? who has her papers neatly filed away, emails caught up on and purged as needed, who finishes a to do list, who knows exactly where things are, who isn't wasting life searching for her keys, or that jotted down note on the back of a reciept, or a bill or important number.

This is a pointless post really but I want to be more organized. And I think I've said that every year since I was able to comprehend that I truly am a scatterbrain.

SO.....in 2011, I hope to be more organized. Not because it really matters in the grand scheme of things, but that it really does make me feel less stressed which overall results in happier healthier Jenny. I've started this by going through stacks of papers, school stuff, home stuff, etc. in addition to reading tips on how to get organized. I've got this week left before I start back in full swing next Tuesday. Ready set go!