Lately, I can't help but struggle with worrying and anxiety about everything from finding a job when I finish school and clinicals (JULY 29!) to making it through everything from now til the end of school, to affording my bills and student loans, to something happening to someone I love that it is no wonder I am consumed with everything that is not the present. While some dwell on the past, I dwell on the future. Which I mostly attribute to a time when my cares were for that day only, which are now, strangely enough, the times that I look back on and am grateful for. Because I truly lived in the face of fears, I took opportunities that now I think "wow, I can't believe I did that" Because everything in my reasoning and decision making now is so careful. Which I guess is part of growing up for me, because those times in the past did not come without bad decisions included.
I always worry. Always. I had to listen to a speaker for a class a couple days ago that talked about her battle with breast cancer. She's a few years older than me and had to go through a breast removal, chemo, and intense radiation therapy to fight this aggressive cancer. And it dawns on me that nothing in this life is for certain, so you might as well live to the fullest while you're here. It's so simple, right?
This is long and rambly but I do not take nearly enough time outs from "oh my gosh this test is coming up and I'm not ready, 20 page paper, anxiety about everything" to just breathe. Thank God for a sunny warm day. Appreciate the people I love while I am/they are here. And the answer that I feel I have been slacking on majorly is F.A.I.T.H. While none of what I am writing is profound, it is a constant challenge to choose faith. Here's some quotes, as a reminder to myself to always have faith, it will all be alright.
Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into.-- Mahatma Gandhi
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Fear clogs; Faith liberates.-- Elbert Hubbard
Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.-- Gail Devers